As a doula and educator I am always telling my clients and students to trust their body… Telling them that their body knows exactly what to do and how to do it… to “just let go”.
Well…now as I have entered into my 39th week of pregnancy, convinced I would have had this beautiful baby by now, I am faced with the challenge of trust. Just last week I sat on my birth ball rocking my hips around and around thinking about how close I felt to labor; now I rock slightly worried that it won’t happen on it’s own. As I walk into the room where our birth pool is blown up and ready, I touch the edges wondering if I will get to use it.
I can add this to the huge list of realities I have faced by being the pregnant woman this time and not the doula. My husband tells me this is the calm before the storm now and I want to believe him; my doula tells me to let go of the fear and I think that I have, but then there is this voice in my head instilling fear and skepticism. I am writing this for all of the amazing clients and students I have had to say I know now TRULY how hard it is to trust and I am tapping into all of your births to help me through this moment.
Something that helps me to think about when I am finding it difficult to trust my body, I think of the “birth team” I have chosen and of course my incredibly committed and loving partner. I chose my midwife Kathy because I trust her abilities and she makes me feel strong; I chose my doula Joy because I know she will advocate for me and I trust her completely not only as a doula but a friend. And I have never trusted another person the way I trust my husband… I would blindly follow him anywhere because I know he will always protect me. These 3 people believe in me and my body, they have confidence in my ability to birth our baby in our home in due time. Trusting them helps me see myself through their eyes.
I am listening to the most beautiful song and I am not sure how to incorporate it, but I know it’s relevant to this process and I wish you could hear it…
Snatam Kaur- breathe my love, breathe my love, breathe in the quiet center.